A Hope Deferred…

I was 14 years old the first time I considered going to Haiti.  My parents had been doing mission work there on a regular basis for several years at this point when I was presented with the opportunity to go with my dad.  I was so excited to go, as I knew it had impacted them so greatly, but as we further pursued the possibility, we realized that I would not be able to go during the planned trip because I was not going to be able to receive my passport in time.  I was a bit disappointed to say the least. 
 
Over the next few years, Haiti remained on my heart.  My desire to serve in Haiti was fairly constant, but there seemed to be many things over the years that kept me from going.  (Scheduling conflicts, Political disrest in the country, etc.)  Eventually  another 14  years had passed.  I was 28 years old. 
 
And then the earthquake struck.  
 
On January 12, 2010 a catastrophic earthquake hit the nation of Haiti causing athe estimated death of 316,000 people. 
 
It was a moment in history I will not forget.  Immediately I thought, why haven’t I gone to Haiti already?  And then my next question, why am I not going to Haiti right now?!?
 
I was glued to the television the same way I was on September 11^th when the twin towers were hit.  But there something completely different about September 11^th and January 10^th.  When the twin towers were hit, I did not feel a sense that I could help.  I did not feel sense that I could make a difference. With Haiti, I did.

When the earthquake hit Haiti that day in January, I immediately felt like I needed to do something.  I called my boss to ask, “If I could get into Haiti, would it be possible for me to have a few days off of work?”  He agreed. 
 
But as many of you realize now, it wasn’t that easy to just get in the country in those first few days, or even weeks. The country just did not have the infrastructure in place to organize or transport volunteers.    In the first few weeks only those who were trained medically or those who worked on Obama’s relief team were being allowed in.  And so, I found myself willing to go…but not having the opportunity to get in.   By the time that the country was able to get some infrastructure in place, he opportunity had passed for me to be able to take time off  of work.   So, my hope to go to Haiti to serve in Haiti was delayed again.   
 
Then, in the fall of 2011, I moved to Montreat, North Carolina.  I became the Director of Service at Montreat College and this meant that I would oversee the spring break missions program.  So, naturally, I decided, we should go to Haiti. Finally, I was going to go.  I began to make plans to partner with Adventures in Missions, and the majority of the plans were in place, when the the cholera outbreak in Haiti occurred. Montreat’s student insurance coverage would not cover their students if we went into Haiti because Haiti was on the CDC’s list of countries to not enter.   So, we changed all our plans  in the next few weeks, and we went to Jamaica.  Again, the opportunity to go to Haiti…delayed.
 
Then, in May of 2011, I was invited to be an intern in Haiti for 10 weeks, serving with Adventures in Missions.  I was incredibly excited about this opportunity.  The only thing at this point that was going to conflict with me going, was if I was offered a full time job working with AIM, in which case I would have to choose one of the options.  Sure enough, I was offered a job.   I felt torn between Haiti and the  full time job, and I needed to make a decision quickly.  I did not know if there was  right or a wrong answer, but all I knew wat that I wanted to do what the Lord wanted me to do….and being that I didn’t know what that was, I decided I needed to “throw out a fleece.”
 
I prayed about it, and thought, “Is it really OK to throw out a fleece?”  I sure don’t how this works, but I know that I am desperate and I know that I need to make a decision fast.
 
So, I prayed, “Lord, if I am suppose to throw out a fleece, what should it be? How do I go about this?”
 
Almost immediately, I knew that I was suppose to ask God to I do something to the weather as a sign.
 
Originally, I thought, “Oh…I know what I will pray: I will pray that when I wake up in the morning, it will be raining.  If it’s raining in the morning when I wake up, I will know that I am suppose to go to Haiti!”  I figured that’s fair, the weather has been incredibly nice all week.  It would definitely be a shift in the weather if the Lord made it rain. 
 
But…the more I thought about it, the more I thought…that’s still too normal.  Sometimes you just have random rain storms.  So…I needed to have something that will definitely make it clear.  Something abnormal.  Something that I would not question was an act of God, him intervening on my behalf to speak. 
 
So, I prayed, “Lord, this is crazy, but if you want me to go to Haiti, I need to wake up tomorrow morning, open the blinds by my bedside, and see that it’s snowing.   It’s been 65 degrees all week, but if you want me to know that I am suppose to go to Haiti then let the mountain be covered with an inch of snow.”  I went to bed, waiting for whatever the Lord might want to tell me in the morning.
 
The next morning, I woke up and was nervous and excited to look out my window.  I went to the blinds and tried to prepare for what I would see.  I opened the blinds and saw in front of me a mountain covered with snow.  My car had an inch of snow on it.  I was stunned at first.  Then, I was elated…and not just because I knew I was going to Haiti, but because I couldn’t believe that the Lord would do that for me.  He would speak to me in a way I understood. After pacing around my apartment, while processing what happened, I decided to lay back down in my bed to just give thanks and ponder what I had just seen.   And then… I woke up. 
 
What I saw was just a dream.  I had dreamt that I checked the window and it snowed.  It was the last thing I dreamt before I actually woke up. 
 
Unbelievable.  It meant that I had to check the window again.  Again, I went to the blinds and tried to prepare my heart for what I would see.  I opened the blinds, and this time it was raining.   Raining.  Raining.  Well that’s not snow!  What was raining suppose to mean?  And what about the dream I just had? Did that mean anything? 
 
Now, I am sure that there’s probably a few ways to interpret this whole situation, but this is what I gathered: I saw it as a promise.  I saw it as God hearing my prayer, responding to my prayer with affirmation, but also showing me that it was not something I would do right then.  The fact that it was a dream, and not it reality, led me to believe that it was a promise that I would go to Haiti…but just not then. 
I would go to Haiti, but it would be later. 
 
And so, I took the full time job at Adventures in Missions.
 
As many of you know, I am still working at Adventures in Missions.  I have been working here at AIM for eleven months now, and just recently have been given an amazing opportunity to go and serve in Haiti again.  I am soooooo excited about this trip for many reasons.  First and foremost, I would be able to serve in Haiti…something I have been hoping to do for 16 years now.  Secondly, I would be able to serve as a support staff leader, learning from one of the best project leaders that AIM has to offer.  And lastly, it seems like it is the  perfect time to go (Work wise, it is one of the few times that it actually would work for me to step out of the office for a week ).   All of the circumstances make it seem like this is the trip to Haiti that I should FINALLY go on.  It seems like I keep waiting to go to Haiti, but this time I am really hoping that it becomes a reality.

 
However, there is one thing holding me back: I need $538.00 to be able to pay for a flight to Haiti.   In some ways, I think, “Money?!?  The only thing holding me back is money?!?!”  But the reality is, if you don’t have the money, even the greatest opportunities sometimes have to be passed by.  I was talking it over with a friend the other night, and facing the realization,  “ I think I am going to have to turn down an amazing opportunity to serve in Haiti…AGAIN.   I just cannot go if I don’t have the money raised ahead of time.” 
 
So, as disheartening as that thought was for me, I was ready to make that decision if needed. 
 
However in the last few days as I have been praying about it and I keep sensing that I am not suppose to just let this opportunity just pass me by yet.   As I prayed, I felt like I am just suppose to get the word out there, and simply ask: would you be willing to pray with me in regard to this opportunity?  Would you be interested in partnering with me financially in order that I might be able to serve in Haiti?
 
If you are interested in praying with me about this, would you email me (and just let me know that you are praying?  Your prayers are such an encouragement to me and I just love to know who is out there praying and partnering with me.  Also, if you would be interested in supporting me financially in getting to Haiti, I would love to know that as well.  You can contact me at [email protected] and let me know that you would like to support me, or you can simply go to the “support me!” link on the left hand side of this page. 
 
It is my prayer and my hope that I would be able to purchase the flight in the next week and make final preparation, depending on whether or not I would be fully funded.  Your prayers and support are so valuable to me!!! Thank you so much for all of your support in this journey!